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Every day life happenings.

Honduras

I don’t even know where to begin with this…

I went to Honduras for the first time in four years. It holds some of my fondest memories and also some of my worst. The reason I haven’t been in four years is for a reason I’d rather not disclose here because it’s far too sensitive. But I can easily say that being back was incredibly refreshing and renewing. It was easier than I thought to fall into that lifestyle and connect with people. I went with a group from the states I had never been with before. The only person I knew on the trip was a girl I was only acquainted with and her group graciously let me come with them. It all worked out – some guy dropped out the trip and had already raised half of the money needed and the airlines allowed for two name changes on tickets for free, all only 2 weeks before the trip! That was a God thing. It was so wonderful being back. I saw families and kids that I met when I was 14. I worked on houses every single day except for one, when I helped with a medical clinic in Nueva Oriental. I got to meet the Banegas’s neice and I think I may be in love with her. This group was different and therefore kind of frustrating to work with, just because they did things differently than Mark’s group. But I got used to it pretty quickly. Actually, I got used to Honduras pretty quickly, despite what I thought. But now that I’m home, the culture shock is hitting me hard. I feel crummy and flat out useless. Everything seems so obsolete. I didn’t see anything new I hadn’t already: people living in shacks with no electicity, running water, or even a bathroom; kids who were begging for money for food to take home to their families, not knowing when their next meal would be; mothers with diapers for their babies, girls without pads or anything for their monthly period…nothing was new. But it all hit me at a new level. I had forgotten what it was like to be there. I had forgotten about falling in love with that country and those people and being home right now is really difficult. I have a renewed appreciation for clean water, my bed, and comfort. But I came into work today like, “Well. Here I am.” I don’t feel guilty for all the blessings I have or anything, but I just…what am I supposed to do with all this crap that I have? I don’t even know what I’m working towards anymore. Now I’m just in this constant daze and it’s like I’m just waiting for myself to get used to life here and carry on. But how in the world am I supposed to do that after seeing what I’ve seen? I just feel really broken right now and I’m not knowing how to adjust